The Dumpster Chronicles: A Whimsical and Irreverent Guide to Nantucket, Being Part the Seventh
By Kerry Hallam
One of my all time favorite BBC shows was “I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue” which ran for several decades every week. It was a brilliant spoof on the unremittingly awful collection of quiz and game shows that proliferated on the airways during the seventies and eighties. One of the most original and hilarious bits was a round in which the teams came up with new definitions to familiar words.
There are many people who do not know the subtle differences between certain words. For instance “imply” and “infer”. “Imply” is the suggestion of something in a subtle manner, where as “infer” is someone who makes his living selling mink coats.
This game was later made into a paperback book called the Uxbridge English Dictionary.
Here are a few examples:
Dentist- someone who fixes your car
Dissident- a foreigner pointing out damage to your car
Disguise- foreigner pointing out the guy who is pointing out the damage to your car
Rebut- having your bottom lifted
Rambling- jewelry for sheep
Fiasco- a failed wall painting
Microbe- a very small dressing gown
and so on!
We Nantucketers pride ourselves (which can be a little annoying at a cocktail party) on being at the cutting edge of current events and to this end the following is a list of the most up to date definitions of some of the local place names.
Nantucket – a thieving care giver
Squam- a bad shot
Pocomo- a Japenese board game
Naushop- failed grocery store
Dionis- Mythological twins
Tuckernook- Austrailian food alcove
Brant Point – German Chancellors gesture
Sankaty – hygenic feline litter box
‘Sconset- a completed window treatment
Siasconset- someone pointing to the window treatment
Coatue- new outerwear garment
Wauwinet – Coach Vito’s admonition pre-game
This list will be updated from time to time.
Kerry Hallam was born and raised in the North of England. He was elected to the Royal Society of Artists and later established his first studio in the South of France. Kerry has lived and painted on the island for the past thirty years. He is represented internationally by Chalk and Vermilion of Greenwich, and has held extensive one man shows in the States, Japan, France and the U.K. His autobiography ‘Getting to Nantucket’ was recently published, and in the past few years, he has issued seven C.D.’s of own written and performed music. All illustrations are by Kerry Hallam. This column will appear regularly.