Adventures in Dumpsterland Chapter 2

Adventures in Dumpsterland, Chapter 2
Kerry Hallam


“I do not need to tell you that things are bad and getting worse by the minute. Our balance of refuse has been dwindling for the past few months and it is rapidly assuming critical proportions. Our supply from topside is simply not keeping up with demand, what with the crumbling of the economy up there. Something has to be done. It will not be easy and it will require all of us to tighten our belts – or whatever we have to tighten – and buckle down to some stringent sacrifices.”

There was a smattering of tail wagging, wing slapping and paw thumping as the first speaker rose. Seated atop a six foot purple mushroom was the unmistakable smile of Jay the Harmonizing Cheshire Cat.

“Evenin all”, as he bathed the room with an enormous grin. “Well, we seem to have reached a significant underpass and I for one applaud the many and generous contributions that have been forthcoming and it is my ernest hope that, notwithstanding the segmentation of the irregular hubris that so often mars assemblies of this nature, there will be a resolution to eradicate the polemic screed that has been evident of late in the warrens of government. I must now sit down before I fall off my toadstool.”

“Thank you Jay for those few kind words. We will try to work out what they meant after the meeting. I am going to mark that as a pro” said the Moderator. Libby the Lioness was the next speaker.

“Friends, it is high time that we stopped messing around and return to the tried and tested ways that have served our community since the founding feathers. Personally I am getting a bit teed off with the way we are being treated down here and I for one am considering returning with my colleagues topside unless there are steps taken to increase our supply of restaurant left-overs. I think that Kevin the Laughing Hyena had the right idea when he spoke last week at the gathering in chamber four: “Whereever you go, there you are; whereever you are, there you go.”

There were a few here-heres on the left and mumbles over by the water cooler on the right.

“Should I put that down as a con then?” asked Sarah.

“Bollacks” replied tuxedoed Johnny the Bartending Penguin who helped himself to a nibble on the paw of Juicy Lucy the Siamese.

“Can we have the next contestant, sorry I mean speaker?”

Squeaky Clean the Field Mouse edged forward. “What about our cheese and shouldn’t we be addressing the Health Care issue?”

This brought about a kerfuffle. It took the moderator a good five minutes to restore order.

“It’s taken a good five minutes to restore order and that’s just a conservative estimate. Any further outbreaks of this nature will leave me with no option but to issue a red card for intentional grounding. This will mean no Christmas pudding for the offenders.
Now, let us resume, observing Flotsam’s regulations and avoiding congestion on the lateral. Decorum friends.”

Hadley the Mesmerizing Mermaid arose, her long hair cascading from gills to dorsal.

“Blimey” muttered Doug the Foraging Raccoon, eyes on Hadley. “That’s a sight to make one’s tail twitch; leaves little if anything to the imagination.

“On behalf of all young and desirable ladies in our community, I would like to know what is going on at the Silver Scallop; they are watering down the booze and it’s getting so that a young mermaid doesn’t know if it’s hell or breakfast time any more. Where are all the hot young mermen these days?” cooed Hadley.

To be continued ….


Kerry Hallam was born and raised in the North of England. He was elected to the Royal Society of Artists and later established his first studio in the South of France. Kerry has lived and painted on the island for the past thirty years. He is represented internationally by Chalk and Vermilion of Greenwich, and has held extensive one man shows in the States, Japan, France and the U.K. His autobiography ‘Getting to Nantucket’ was recently published, and in the past few years, he has issued seven C.D.’s of own written and performed music. All illustrations are by Kerry Hallam. This column will appear regularly.

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