Adventures in Dumpsterland Chapter 3

Adventures in Dumpsterland, Chapter 3
Kerry Hallam



Chapter 3

Captain Collywobble the pied-billed Grebe rose to take the stage.

“Things aren’t what they once were and it is my considered opinion and that of my colleagues at the Center for Dumpsterland Development that the crux of the issue can best be summed up in the words of a song by the well known diva Jeanette the Vocifourous Cockatoo: ‘I’m just looking for a loving gland’. Well, I mean aren’t we all.”

“Well, I think we have made a good start and now it is time for desert and after dinner drinks. This will afford us all some time to discuss matters before we take a final vote.”

With that, Sarah the White Rabbit Moderator hopped back to her table and the general hubbub resumed.

Soon the house lights dimmed as Rocky the Fox jumped onto the stage.

“Fellow Dumpsterlanders. As a special treat for this special occasion we have with us a special surprise. Fresh from their recent tour of our Cape cousins and the release of their latest smash hit CD, “One Man’s Trash”, it gives me great pleasure to present the legendary rock group “The Beagles”.

The crowd went wild. Articles of underwear were thrown onto the stage; a couple of Pomeranians passed out and General Pandemonium had to get back up to settle the situation.

The band struck up with one of their big hits “Kelp”, followed by “I Want to Hold your Paw”, “Fixing a Mole”, “Juicy Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”, (written of our own Juicy Lucy), “Nantucket Wood”, “Why Don’t We Do It with the Toad”, and the grand finale, a selection from “Sergeant Toadstool’s Looney Dumpsterland.” They did three encores and left to a standing cacophonous ovation.

Denis the Red Throated Wineloving Loon, enthralled and gobsmacked on this Saturday night, was sweating profusely from the heat of the crowd and the excitement of the evening when he was approached by Harpo the Canine Scentmaster.

“Would you care for a little splash of fragrance?”

Denis thanked him but assured him that he was all set for the moment.

“Right Sir” said Harpo “Will there be anything else I can do for you?’ Harpo tugged at the brim of his hat whilst holding out a small plastic bucket.

“It is customary to show one’s appreciation in the usual fashion, sir”.
Denis dropped a folded dollar bill into the bucket.

“Thank you Sir, see you on your next visit.”

Denis decided to find a quiet corner and take a break from the evenings festivities. He found an old but fairly comfortable settee and stretched out. In a few minutes he was asleep. Well, you can imagine the tapestry of dreams that accompanied his snoozing.

At one point he found himself in his pajamas in the boudoir of Anna the Antelope Mixologist, sharing a bottle of Australian Cabernet. Sally the Electric Squirrel, her lady in waiting, played soft lilting madrigals on her mountain dulcimer.

Upon awakening, for a fleeting moment he wasn’t sure where he was. Then he remembered he was somewhere in the subterranean caverns beneath the Refuse Disposal Facility with a collection of extremely strange animals. The evening’s festivities were still in full swing, but he decided to explore a little, and so wandered off, away from the Grand Hall and down a winding corridor, at the end of which he came upon a small cottage. From within came the sound of a Brahms nocturne. On the door was a sign “Piano Lessons”.

Denis had always meant to learn the piano and this seemed a good opportunity. He tapped on the front door.

To be continued ….


Kerry Hallam was born and raised in the North of England. He was elected to the Royal Society of Artists and later established his first studio in the South of France. Kerry has lived and painted on the island for the past thirty years. He is represented internationally by Chalk and Vermilion of Greenwich, and has held extensive one man shows in the States, Japan, France and the U.K. His autobiography ‘Getting to Nantucket’ was recently published, and in the past few years, he has issued seven C.D.’s of own written and performed music. All illustrations are by Kerry Hallam. This column will appear regularly.

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